Random Cute Pic

Swamped w/ double contracts, so I'm just posting a couple of cute pics from an email my wife received last evening. Louis Armstrong's song WaWW springs to mind :)

I Love This Game

Not targeting my blog demographic here, I imagine, but tonight's opening night in the NBA. I know soccer's 'the beautiful game,' but, at it's highest, most artistic, basketball's hard to beat, IMO.

GO LAKERS! (yeah, let the hate begin... to your right is a pic of the Stephanie Meyer of basketball :)

Bad Kitty

Okay, I"m hating my cat a bit right now b/c he went and got himself locked in a closet last night and then decided  he wanted out at about 4 a.m.... paws scratching on doors... not the best thing to be waking up to... a bit creepy, and then highly annoying. Made me think of a video my wife showed me the other day... not creepy, but funny, and somewhat annoying if you're not watching the associated images.

FU Microsoft

I've got 5, count 'em 5, computers in my home right now (for 2 people... even factoring in our dog and cat, that leaves one extra)... 1 desktop (that's pretty much just a source for the wireless router anymore), 1 laptop for me (the one stuck w/ Vista :(, 1 for the missus, and 2 for work (one for previous contract position, 1 for current one)... technology engulfs me, but that's nothing new... I've been a computer dork (not nerd, b/c, were I a nerd, I'd know more about the darn things) since I was a wee tike and though I appreciate the whole technological revolution, I also loathe it...

More specifically, I loathe Microsoft. Now, unlike my Apple loving, Google interviewing, brother, I don't think they're evil (at least not anymore so than the average Joe -- which includes Apple and maybe Google), but, like the average Joe, they just kinda suck. Sometimes, they've got good days (Windows XP, SP2), and sometimes they're just right ole tossers (Windows Vista)... the problem is, you never know what you're gonna get (and most of these chocolates are the ones filled with liquer when you were expecting caramel). The worse problem is that you can't stick to the previous chocolate (of relative choice) b/c Microsoft wants to make money (just like Apple -- seriously, how fast do they obsolete iPods... bunch of smegheads) so they grab you by the short ones and tell you to get in line b/c they're not gonna support your old habits.

Now, all that being said, it looks like Windows 7 (bland name... but maybe it's like cars where the ones with numbers end up being the best ones) is gonna be leaps and bounds above Vista (which was dives and stumbles beneath XP). Now, were I more of a nerd instead of a dork, I'd be on Linux (but then I'd be in a cave somewhere w/ horn-rimmed glasses and a pointed goatee (or Van Dyke) and a perpetual look of officious indignation -- yeah, a bit contradictory, but it's that bad). Unfortunately, I'm a dork, so I'm stuck w/ Microsoft (and, no, Apple's not any better. They just think they are. So they get a double FU). Here's waiting for Windows Space Odyssey (i.e., 2010)... which will likely be craptastic, but maybe they'll replace that f***tard paperclip w/ HAL.

In The Empty

Not sure how frequently I'll be posting in the upcoming weeks since I'm starting my new job today... I went ahead and posted my first chapter for The Lost Children Chronicles... If you're interested, check it out and let me know what you think. I'm definitely experiencing significant myopia at this point, so any/all feedback is welcome. Thanks!

w00t

Okay, major over-posting today, but I think I'm done editing (except for maybe some executions of head shakes and nods)... which is good for my psyche and my wife's (who will attest to the fact that I'm a major bear -- euphemism alert -- during the process)... Cut it down from 76,158 to 68,607 -- which, for you mathematical types out there, is 7,551 words cut... not Mr. King's 10%, but I'll take 9.91% and round up :) -- much closer to my original goal of 65K...

Here are some random stats:

Cut down from 40 shrugs to 10 shrugs (now the shoulders won't be as tired :)
Cut down from 6 sighs to 6 sighs (okay, didn't cut any, but I can live w/ 6)
Cut down from 63 whispers to 19 whispers (now the throats are spared :)
Cut down from 420 'as's to 321 'as's :)
Cut down from 840 'ly' suffixes to 725 : /
Cut down from 717 'was's to 589 : /
Cut down from 30 'had been's to 23 : /
Cut down from 81 'shook his head's to 73.
Cut down from 80 'nodded' to 79 (evidently, nodding is more important :)
Cut down from 9 eye-rolls to 9 eye-rolls (yeah, didn't cut these, either ;)
Cut down from 59 'began's to 44 : /

Time stats:

Writing: 3 months... probably 200 - 250 hours
Post-editing: 2 weeks... probably 50 - 75 hours
Query: 1 week... probably 5 - 10 hours
Synopsis: TBD :(
None, of this, of course, accounts for contemplation time :)

Results

Results from NB's contest are out. Go vote, if you want. LT Host made honorable mention!

Easy Edits - Whispers, Sighs, and Shrugs

My college creative writing instructor hated sighs and shrugs. Thought they should all be eliminated. *shrugs*...I'm not as draconian in my belief, but I definitely think sighs should happen about once every blue moon and shrugs maybe thrice.

And then there are whispers. This is my biggest problem. I find my peeps whispering a bit too much. I know I'm using it to lend gravitas to a situation (or said softly, which might not be as offensive, but it's in the ballpark), but it distracts from the reality of the whole thing. People don't whisper (or murmur or mumble, for that matter) all that much unless they're thieves on the prowl or big time telephone game players.

These are easy edits though. For the most part, you can search and destroy (or alter). What do y'all think, and are there other actions that should be added to the list?

Editing Reminder: Omit Needless Words

Now just need to figure out what's needless :)

5' 10", 120 lbs and Too Fat... According to Ralph Lauren

The model in this controversial photoshopped  cover was fired b/c she's a size 4. WTF Wow!

Tell Me Tuesday - Chapter Titles

Going ultra-short today w/ Regina's post from yesterday as inspiration.

RE: Chapter Titles (e.g., The Midnight Duel, The Forbidden Forest, The Mirror of Erised). Do you like them, hate 'em, or does it depend on the genre?

This is Ridiculous

Okay, just heard Obama won the Nobel peace prize. WTF!? (FYI - nominations were due in just 12 days after he took the oath of office).

This is for the Ladies

Was gonna post my query (and will do so later in the day probably since I'm stuck in an infinite loop), but got an email from my brother showing some fairly crazy photoshopping for billboarding. This body-morphage struck close to home b/c my sister was anorexic (and is now bulimic).

Quickie

Running a bit behind -- drug tests and car problems :o... So, it's not often you get to add something to a top ten list (unless you've got like a million of them or create them on a whim), but last night I saw a movie that I can add to my top 10 worst list (not exactly sure all 10 on there, but a few, OTTOMH are: There Will Be Blood, Boogie Nights -- yes, me no likey PTA -- Johnny Mnemonic, Million Dollar Baby)... now, add to the list:

I actually like some of Vin Diesel's movies (Pitch Black, Chronicles of Riddick), but this one was an utter, utter mess (which I probably could have guessed based on reviews, but sometimes reviewers are just cows mooing b/c other cows moo, methinks)... You want a story w/o any infodumping/back info, this is it. You kind of piece together the plot by the end, but, man, by then, you just don't care (lucky for my wife, she was able to fall asleep halfway through).

That being said, at least I've got something else to rag on now, not that I need it :)

Yeah, but can they tie their shoes?

I read an article yesterday about this year's winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics.
Without the three gentlemen recognized, we wouldn't have (yet) things like CCD screens or fiber optic transmissions, which allow for things like cheap transAtlantic calls and digital cameras.

Though I'd like to think of myself as a decently smart cookie, I know beyond a reasonable doubt that I don't have an inventor's bone inside me, never mind the pure imagination required to contemplate and fabricate today's modern marvels incorporating and adhering to the ultra-complex concepts of relativistic physics.

Even mechanical inventions of yesteryear boggle my mind. Sure, I can understand how most of them work when someone lays it out for me, but, man, could you imagine being the first one to invent a catapult? How's that for street cred? Before mad inventors like Da Vinci, there were cats like Heron (Hero) of Alexandria. This mathematician invented some crazy mechanical devices that incorporated wind power, harmonics, gear reduction, etc.... things that I can readily understand, but would be hard-pressed to fabricate without previous example. And you can go father back to things like Stonehenge and places like Mohenjo-daro to find other great feats of invention/engineering.

And though I appreciate the ability to 'invent' in writing and afford people an opportunity to escape, relate, and marinate, if I had to sacrifice art or technology, art would definitely be the one to go. Sure, the world would be a drab place, but at least we'd have flushing toilets (thank you, John Harrington).

So, to all you inventors out there, I salute you and genuflect (and while I'm down there, I'll tie those pesky shoelaces you don't have time for. Sorry Velcro didn't work out as well as you planned, George de Mestral).

The Blackness Within

Got an email this morning re: the cover art for an anthology that I've got a story in. The Blackness Within follows the rebirth of the little-known Celtic pig-god Moccus, a psychopomp, or guide to the afterlife. It's a dark fantasy/horror antho (thus the demonic javelinas) that's coming out sometime in the next couple of months (not sure exactly when yet); the story was a heck of a lot of fun to write (partially b/c I didn't have to hold back on language or graphicness -- though description is a weakness of mine, I do eviscerations decently :). The coolest part of the antho, IMO, is that all the stories are interconnected. The editor (Gill Ainsworth - wonderfully responsive, informative, and easy to work with), bless her soul, worked with each of us to intertwine the tales for better fluidity. 


Though prologues are supposed to be a double no-no in short stories (or so I've heard), mine has one. In some ways, it's my favorite part of the story (for atmospheric purposes). I've reprinted it below:


In the interminable silence that accompanies death, have you ever experienced something inexplicable that affords you hope your loved one’s spirit has transcended its Earthly prison? Perhaps, at the moment of passage, you hear a somber owl’s call amongst the manmade dissonance. Or, at a funeral, you glimpse a wolf watching from afar, unconcerned with the dichotomy it strikes against the suburban backdrop.

     The spiritualists, mystics, and soothsayers would gladly tell you that your loved one had been visited by a psychopomp--an escort to the afterlife in the form of an owl or guise of a wolf. Famous psychopomps include: Anubis, Mercury, Charon, and the unnamed Grim Reaper. Some are considered favorably, conductors to a peaceful post-mortem existence; others are feared, jailers of foundering souls.

     And you would be readily convinced that your beloved was safeguarded by the former, an angel guiding an angel into the halcyon harbor of the morrow. Do not be fooled.

     Psychopomps are far more iniquitous than such naïve notions of conductors or jailers. They are soul vampires, gorging on the dead to strengthen themselves for The Dance--a centenary game that defines their hierarchy--from which the winner is entitled to the worthiest souls for the subsequent century.    

     A note on souls: they are like apples--some are ripe, some are rotten, and a few are delectable, to be savored as the rivulets trickle down the edges of your mouth; these are the ones the pyschopomps crave. Most likely, your loved one passed freely into the afterlife, but if you heard that owl or glimpsed that wolf, your loved one suffered excruciating pain as his soul was eviscerated in tiny bits from his withered corpse.

     Do not despair. Know that your loved one was a special person; one over whom the Gods fought viciously to savor.

Congratulations, Brasil!

Olympics 2016 -- sure, the athletes might be hung over, but it's gonna be one helluva party!

Cute Cat Video

Just finished my WIP (76 k - only 20% longer than I planned) and now am on to editing/query writing. May gather the gumption to ask for betas... in the meantime, here's a cute cat vid my wife showed me the other day:

Jump The Shark Books

Before I get started, couldn't help but mention the Roman Polanski fiasco and link to an article that shows why Hollywood makes me sick (I guess pedophilia's okay if you're an artistic talent, or French). Onto the regularly scheduled programming:

I was watching a promo for Grey's Anatomy during ABC's Modern Family, and it got me thinking about books/series that jumped the shark. The one that popped instantly to mind was Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban w/ the whole time-travel plot device deus ex machina that was never used again, but could and should have been to fix anything. Now, I still enjoyed the books and series, but there was always that niggling little voice in the back of me noggin whispering devilish thoughts about how Dumbledore should have just whisked himself back in time and killed Mr. Malevo and avoided the whole brouhaha.

Other books I can think of off the top of my head: Robert Jordan's WOT series (somewhere in Lord of Chaos, probably), Twilight (glitter - seriously?), Scavenger (a BOT I'm listening to where the villain's got way too much wherewithal). Now, just b/c they JTS, doesn't mean they're not enjoyable (though the shark's definitely eating WOT now)... it just means you've got to suspend your disbelief to extreme measures (e.g., ignoring logic, overlooking loopholes, etc.) to fully enjoy the piece.

So, are there any books/series you think have JTS (and why)?