Recently returned from Vegas. First and last time probably. Not a big drinker, gambler, or shopper, but the spectacle of Sin City (Sad City?) got me thinking about ambition. Many artists (talented, for the most part) head to Vegas to seek riches in one form or another, and most end up on the sidewalk painting themselves as silver statues, strumming guitars on the bridgewalks, peddling magic tricks to apathetic passerbys...
The nasty side of ambition, of risk, is the consequence of failure. Dream big, fall hard. Do you want to be that small pond fish or venture into the wide, dark ocean where big dreams get swallowed every minute of every day?
With my writing, I always go dark ocean. It scares me b/c I wonder if I've got the skill to swim amongst the sharks, wonder how far I'll fall if the consequence of my ambition and risk never comes to fruition. Keep swimming, right, Dorey? I think this is what I admire most about artists. No matter the odds, no matter the outcome, they strive to live a life less ordinary.
We WERE thinking the same things. And I think any time you take a big step down the path, there's this moment of terror - wait, am I ready to swim with the sharks?? Nevermind, that I've swum with sharks and taken them down with my fancy shark-zapper-machine in other life-endeavors. This is writing. This is where I bare my soul for others to plunge their pitchforks into. Ok, that's a bit dramatic, but you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteTrying and failing is a very real possibility. The only thing that makes it tolerable is the idea of failing by never even trying.
I'm right there with you, sir. It's unsettling, to say the least, to constantly question whether or not your efforts will ever pay off the way you'd like - and I don't mean monetarily. Sometimes, I feel like all these non-artists are standing on the sidelines, ready to watch me fall flat on my face. They can't wait to yell "I told you so. Now get up and go get a real job." At times, their doubt and lack of understanding motivates me to work harder, but then again, it makes me more scared as well. I want to show them it's okay to follow your dreams and take risks, but I also know they define success by assets, not achievement.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I say keep swimming. Do what makes you happy. I'm not selling my soul for anything or anyone.
Sue, so right... along the lines of loving and lost than never having loved at all.
ReplyDeletePaul, yeah, the naysayers are unfortunately out there in droves, which I think is a large contributing factor to why many writers do not announce themselves as such(more so than painters, who can show their work in a quick flash, or musicians, who have a certain coolness factor other artists usually aren't afforded).
Taking risks is scary! I often think of Dorey & her song. I'm getting better at taking those risks, but I have to keep talking myself into it! :)
ReplyDeleteI was literally just thinking about this an hour or so ago. I think what has helped me tread through the dark waters is learning to believe in my writing. I am my own biggest critic, but while I can criticize myself so that I may become a better writer, I still have to believe that the time I put in and the fun I have writing is OK because I believe in myself as an artist.
ReplyDeleteJemi, it takes a lot of talking on my part... need some of that Dorey short term memory.
ReplyDeleteAnita, I think that's a balance I sometimes lose (the enjoying it aspect) b/c of overcriticality.
I went to Las Vegas for the first time 15 years ago with the idea of glitz, glam and fun...boy was the sleaze factor disappointing and like you said, sad. You swim amongst the sharks? I'm a squirrel chillin' with the lions. And yes, though I doubt my writing skills, I still continue to tread water in hopes for publication. Risk big, win big. My chips are all in on this writing thing.
ReplyDeleteI just had reread this saying: "Dream big, fall hard." Because, man, it is SO true!
ReplyDeleteI always dream big. I attribute it to my inner story-teller, who makes stuff up about me, too.
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